五個英語小笑話

1. Virtue

Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member. One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.

When the door finally opened, I felt a compassionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. “You'll get that degree, dear,” she whispered. “Perseverance is a virtue.”

美 德

獲取研究生學位多年以后，我回到位于賓翰頓的紐約州立大學當教員。一天，電梯里很擁擠，有人抱怨電梯效率太低。我說自我在那里當學生起，20年來電梯一直沒有換過。

后當電梯門打開時，我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下，回過頭來我看到一位年長的修女正在朝我微笑?！澳銜玫綄W位的，親愛的，”她低聲說道：“堅持不懈是一種美德。”

2. Difference

“I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class,” observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. “When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond, 'Good afternoon.” But the graduate students just write it down.“

區(qū) 別

”研究生班和本科生很容易就能區(qū)別開來，“在洛杉磯加利福利亞州立大學給我們研究生上工程學課的老師如此說?！蔽艺f‘下午好’，本科生們回答說‘下午好’。研究生們則把我說的話記在筆記本上?！?/p>

3.Too Long

The travel editor of a newspaper called, saying she was finally using an article I had written several years earlier. She wanted to be sure the tour information was still correct. ”I also wanted to make certain,“ she sheepishly confessed, ”that you're still alive. Whenever the writer has died, I know I've held a story too long.“

太久

一家報紙的旅行版編輯打開電話，說她終于決定要采用一篇我?guī)啄昵皩懙奈恼?。她想確定那旅游信息是否還可靠?！蔽疫€想確定，“她怯怯地坦白道：”您是否還健在。每次發(fā)現(xiàn)作者已經(jīng)不在人世了，我才知道我將文章壓得太久了?！?/p>

4.Charge for Bread and Butter

Some years ago, my dad, an attorney, took me to a fancy restaurant in Now York City. When the bill arrived, there was a $1.50 charge for bread and butter. Dad paid the bill, including the charge for bread and butter. However, the next day, he sent a letter to the resturant stating that the charge was uncalled for. Enclosed in the same envelope was a bill for $500 in legal services.

Someone from the restaurant called immediately and asked, ”What is this $500 bill for? We never ordered any legal services.“

Dad replied, ”I never ordered any bread and butter.“

The $1.50 was returned without delay.

面包和黃油費

幾年前，我當律師的爸爸帶我去紐約的一家高檔餐館。帳單上來時，上面有1.5美元的面包和黃油費。爸爸付了帳，連同面包和黃油的收費一齊付了。但是第二天，他給餐館寄了一封信，說那項收費是沒有道理的。隨信還寄上了一張500美元的法律服務機構的收費單。

餐館馬上打來電話，問道：”這500美元的收費單是怎么回事？我們從來沒有要什么法律機構的服務。“

爸爸答道，”我也從來沒有要什么面包和黃油?！?/p>

那1.5美元立即就寄了回來。

5. Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.

Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: ”I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.“

”That's fine,“ roared the boss, ”but where were you Monday and Tuesday?“

安眠藥

鮑勃晚上失眠。他去看醫(yī)生，醫(yī)生給他開了一些強力安眠藥。

星期天晚上鮑勃吃了藥，睡得很好，在鬧鐘響之前就醒了過來。他到了辦公室，遛達進去，對老板說：”我今天早上起床一點麻煩都沒有?！?/p>

”好?。　袄习搴鸬?，”那你星期一和星期二到哪兒去了？“