老板對你惱火的時候不要逃避

Years ago, as the editor of prestigious trade magazine, I remember losing my cool with one of the top reporters. We were sharing a late-night cab home from the office, both having put in a long day, and when I pressed her on when I’d finally see the very late article she’d been laboring over, she told me she wasn’t sure she’d make the deadline, or any deadline that would allow the article to be printed in the next issue of the magazine. Caught by surprise, I lost it and started yelling at her. All the things I’d have to do to fix the problem were running through my mind. I was angrier than I’d ever been in my professional career and when I got out of the cab, I slammed the door as hard as I could. She avoided me the whole next day at work and the tension between us festered for a few days until I came up with a new piece to fill the hole in the magazine. Only then was I able to rationally discuss her article with her – and when it was finally finished, it was a great piece.
幾年前，作為享有聲譽(yù)的貿(mào)易雜志的編輯，我在一名頂級記者面前有失風(fēng)度。在一整天的勞作后，我和她一起坐輛從公司回家的出租汽車，當(dāng)我給她施壓何時可以看到她一直在進(jìn)行的文章時，她告訴我不確定是否可以在后期限前完成也不確定是否可以出現(xiàn)在下一期雜志的后期限印刷之前完成。出乎意料之外的是，我失去控制并且對她大叫。所有我試圖解決問題的方法都在腦海煙消云散。這是我職業(yè)生涯中生氣的一次，當(dāng)我離開出租汽車的時候我用大的力氣甩了門。接下來的一天她躲了我一整天，我們之間的緊張氣氛延續(xù)了幾天直到我找到填補(bǔ)雜志空缺的文章。這才能夠理性的和她討論文章，而當(dāng)后定稿完成的時候真的很成功。

It was not my finest moment as a manager, but I can imagine it was even worse for her. Nobody wants to be on their boss’s bad side. After all, study after study shows how critical the relationship with your manager to your happiness at work. Not to mention that your boss controls many aspects of your working life, from assignments and raises to vacation requests.
作為一個經(jīng)理這不是很好的時刻，但我可以想像對她而言更糟。沒有人想遇到老板不好的一面。在不斷的研究后表明：你與經(jīng)理之間的關(guān)系如何是你工作的幸福度多少的關(guān)鍵。更不用提你的老板掌控了很多你工作生活面，從布置任務(wù)到休假申請。

In hindsight, I wished I’d handled the matter differently. As the boss, I should’ve discussed the problem with her calmly in the morning, when we were both rested and I’d had time to rationally think through the implications of her missing the deadline. But bosses, like everyone, aren’t perfect, and sometimes it’s up to the employee to make amends. It’s hard to step up, especially given the difference in power, but if you want to recover from making your boss angry, it’s important to not be timid and take the lead. Here’s how.
后而言之，我多希望我當(dāng)時沒那樣處理問題。作為老板，我應(yīng)該和她在早上當(dāng)大家都休息過后冷靜地討論問題并且我應(yīng)該思考她說無法在后期限前趕稿的可能原因。但是，老板也是人，不可能完美，有時候需要員工來幫忙改正錯誤。雖然因為有權(quán)利差別，不容易介入但是如果你想不讓老板生氣的話，不要膽怯并且采取主導(dǎo)，這里告訴你怎么做。

Don’t retreat to the shadows. Don’t be tempted to hide from your boss or sweep the conflict under the rug. That can cause the tension to fester and lead to future blow-ups, perhaps disproportional to the original offense. It’s critical that you attend to the working relationship if it’s been damaged, says Jeff Weiss, partner in Vantage Partners, a consultancy that specializes in negotiations and relationship management. Don’t wait for your boss to take the initiative to smooth things over. When you’re feeling calm and rational, go see your boss to clear the air.
不要因此退到陰影處；不要和老板玩“躲貓貓”；或者掩耳盜鈴，這樣做只會讓緊張氣氛升溫并且導(dǎo)致將來的爆發(fā)，和起初的冒犯不成比例。有利合作伙伴，一個致力于洽談和關(guān)系管理的咨詢公司的Jeff Weiss建議：加入到已經(jīng)損傷的關(guān)系中去很重要，不要等你的老板采取主動來解決事情。當(dāng)你覺得自己冷靜下來并且理性的時候，去見你的老板消除誤會。

Get input. Resist the urge to gossip about what happened with your colleagues. You can inflame a tense situation quickly if everyone is talking about it and word gets back to your manager. But it can be helpful to talk over the situation with one trusted friend or colleague to get perspective and to air your own thinking. You may rehearse what you want to say and your friend might, for instance, point out where you sound defensive or insincere.
不要和你的同事碎碎念發(fā)生了什么。你可能使已經(jīng)緊張的氣氛更加激烈如果每個人都在談?wù)摪l(fā)生了什么，后讓老板聽到。但是和一個你信得過的朋友或同事討論這件事情來獲取觀點(diǎn)并且平靜自己的想法很有幫助。或許你可以和朋友排練你想說的，例如，你的朋友可以指出哪里聽上去自我保護(hù)意識太強(qiáng)或者不真誠。

Remember that your boss has more going on than just your battle. Your boss has normal reactions to stress and disappointment just like anybody else. She may be reacting disproportionately for reasons you can’t see in the moment. When I yelled at the reporter it was because I saw even longer days and nights of stress ahead of me until I came up with another article for the issue. But she probably didn’t realize that. Try to see the issue from your boss’s perspective.
記住和你的“戰(zhàn)爭”中老板可能考慮承受的更多。你的老板就像任何一個人對于壓力和失望會作出正常的反應(yīng)。她當(dāng)下的不常規(guī)的反應(yīng)可能承載著目前你無法看見的原因。我會對記者大叫的原因是我預(yù)知了更多將要到來的日日夜夜的壓力直到我想到另一篇文章。但或許記者沒有預(yù)知所以努力從老板的角度出發(fā)。

Own the mistake. If you’ve done something to trigger your boss’s ire, take the high road. If you make a mistake, ‘’own it,’’ advises communication expert Holly Weeks, author of Failure to Communicate: How Conversations Go Wrong and What You Can Do to Right Them. Even if it’s not entirely your fault, your boss will appreciate you taking responsibility. My reporter was working on a very tricky piece. It wasn’t entirely unreasonable to be late and I’d pushed her to finish sooner than she wanted to. Still, a sincere apology like, ‘’I’m sorry I let you down,’’ would’ve gone a long way.
承認(rèn)錯誤。溝通失敗一書-談話如何走向錯誤的方向并且如何修正的作者Holly Weeks建議：如果你做了什么激怒了你的老板，承認(rèn)它。如果你犯了錯誤，承認(rèn)它。即使錯不都在你，如果你擔(dān)負(fù)起責(zé)任你的老板會很賞識。我的記者在做一件很棘手的工作，當(dāng)我催促她比她預(yù)計時間早交時，晚交也是合情合理。然而一句：“不好意思讓你失望了“就可以讓一些情緒煙消云散。

Offer a solution. If you can help solve the problem, do so. You may not have a ready-made solution at the time, so consider taking a break in the conversation, reflecting on what happened and how you make it better, and then come back to it with fresh eyes, Weiss advises. “Some conflicts take multiple iterations to resolve,’’ he says. “Success may come in small increments.’’
提供解決的辦法。如果你可以解決問題，去做。你或許不能有一個馬上解決的辦法，所以在談話期間停頓思考，反映已經(jīng)發(fā)生的并且表述如何做得更好，然后報告逐漸轉(zhuǎn)好的趨勢。Weiss建議：“一些爭論需要復(fù)雜迭代來解決但是成果可能只是小小劑量造成的?！?/span>

Re-align with your boss. Make a point of getting on the same page with your boss. Tell her you’d like to avoid disappointing her again and ask her to discuss her priorities with you. If making a deadline is a top priority, you’ll know to communicate with her long before that’s in jeopardy. If not being surprised by bad news matters most, knowing so will let you avoid finding yourself in a similar predicament to my reporter.
和老板一起調(diào)整工作安排。要和你的老板步伐一致。告訴她你不想讓她再失望并且讓她和你討論優(yōu)先級次序。如果制定后期限是重要的，那么在陷入危險地帶之前就通過溝通得知。如果你不會因為壞消息而吃驚感到重要的話，知曉可以幫助你掉入和我的記者類似的困境。

It might not be you. If you have no idea what you did to trigger your boss’s ire – and you think maybe you aren’t at fault – still make a point of checking in with her. Your boss will appreciate that you’re making the effort to get on the same wavelength. In that conversation, your boss may let her guard down and explain the stress that she’s under, helping you better understand her challenges. But be careful to listen, rather than complain about her anger. Your goal is to open the doors to candid conversation. Either way, your boss will respect your having the courage to talk with her about how to make things better. On the other hand, your boss’s anger may not be justified. It’s not unusual for a manager to blow up at the last person in a chain of bad news. You can’t always know what caused your boss to lose her cool. It’s possible there wasn’t a good reason she lost her temper and she doesn’t have much to say about it — you were just the unlucky recipient. If that’s the case, try to put it behind you. If you keep the incident in perspective, it won’t color an otherwise good relationship.
可能不是因為你。如果你不知道是什么惱怒了你的老板并且你認(rèn)為你可能沒有錯-還是可以和她核實。你的老板會賞識你對于改進(jìn)處境的努力。在這一談話中，你的老板可能會卸下防御并且解釋她面對的壓力，更加幫助你理解她面臨的挑戰(zhàn)。但是要聽得小心而不是一起抱怨，你的目的是進(jìn)行真誠的談話。任何一種方式，你老板都會因你有勇氣和她交流如何將事情推向好的方向而尊重你。另一方面，老板的憤怒可能是不公平的。老板在一系列壞消息發(fā)生之后對后一個人大發(fā)雷霆也是常見之事。你不可能總是知道為什么你老板發(fā)火，只可能她發(fā)脾氣是因為不好的事情并且沒什么可說-你只是碰巧作為發(fā)泄者。如果是這樣的話，就拋之腦后吧。如果你在意它，也不利于一段好的上下關(guān)系。

Fortunately for both of us, I ended up repairing my relationship with the reporter, enough to convince her to join the next magazine I went to. And eventually, we were able to laugh about the incident. Like me, your boss may be embarrassed by the way she handled the situation. And like me, your boss would appreciate your working a little bit harder the next day to set things right. “Conflict is inevitable and conflict is not bad,’’ Weiss says. “We need to manage differences every day. Sometimes the best we can do is build understanding.’’
對于我們而言幸運(yùn)的是，我后修復(fù)了和我的記者之間的關(guān)系，足以說服她加入我下期雜志。后，我們笑憶這個插曲。像我一樣你的老板可能因為她處理事情的發(fā)誓而窘迫。并且像我一樣你的老板希望你第二天更努力將事情推向更好的發(fā)展方向。爭論無法避免也不是不好。Weiss說：“我們每天要管理生活中的不同，有時我們能做的就是理解萬歲?！?/span>

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